


in the bath, when you look down

by TheMoonByNight



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Bisexual Kevin Day, Canon-Typical Behavior, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exy (All For The Game), Kevin Day Needs A Hug, Kevin Day-centric, M/M, Multi, POV Kevin Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28703661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMoonByNight/pseuds/TheMoonByNight
Summary: Kayleigh Day had been a force of nature, once upon a time. It seems that even in her death, she still has the power to move the world.--Kevin received a letter from Tetsuji detailing exactly how he ended up in the care of the Moriyama's, including the fact that Kayleigh handed him over before her death. But it doesn't matter. Kevin can handle it. He can handle anything.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day/Neil Josten, Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

Kevin was sitting down at Eden’s for once, not dragged off by Nicky or eager to get drinks on his own. It was just him and Andrew at the table; Neil in a rare good mood that pushed him to dance, Aaron and Nicky, bopping along with him. Kevin wasn’t too much concerned with what Neil was doing, (for once) content with watching the bodies writhe on the hot and sweaty dance floor of Eden’s Twilight.

Andrew’s eyes tracking Neil through the crowd didn’t bother Kevin as it usually might. His mind was unusually clear of the jumbled and anxious thoughts that always bounced around. There were no thoughts of failing Ichirō, his father, or his teammates (his friends, a quiet voice in the back of his mind whispered), no thoughts of how he had to shape his own career path, not to mention Neil’s, into something to be proud of. There were especially no thoughts of what Riko would do if he was here now.

He wasn’t quite smiling at the peace in his own head, but it was a near thing. He could tell Andrew had noticed, if the little looks Kevin was getting were anything to go by. It reminded Kevin of the days when Andrew had watched and guarded him constantly. He could vaguely recall thinking that Andrew must have been King Arthur in a past life—famed protector of Camelot, or in this case, Kevin himself.

“Do I owe congratulations for something?” Andrew finally let out, tone dry and humorless. Despite not quite being able to tell if that was Andrew’s form of a joke or if it was just a statement, Kevin smothered a smile on his shoulder. Since the beginning of last year, they hadn’t had a one-on-one conversation where Andrew voluntarily spoke to Kevin first.

“I’m just happy to be here. We haven’t been to Eden’s since... well, you know.” The last time they had gone to Eden’s had been after Andrew and Aaron’s meeting with Aaron’s lawyer. It had been quiet and morose then, and the mere reference to it leaked into the air now. Kevin instantly regretted even mentioning it as Andrew drew himself away from where he’d moved closer.

“And I also got some fan mail and stuff that was really cool earlier. Wy—Dad showed me.” Kevin had been attempting to think and refer to Coach as more of a father figure. Andrew thankfully didn’t comment.

“Fan mail,” Andrew drawled, swirling his drink in time with the beat of the music. Kevin absently wondered if that meant he liked the song. He made a note to remember it and look it up later.

“Yeah, some drawings from some kids and some girl who thinks I should start wearing more chess-themed stuff. I’m not sure if what’s available is extensive enough to make a complete wardrobe out of it but if I ask Allison, I’m sure she could find me something.” He thought for a moment before smiling some. “Maybe the whole team could get matching sets. You’d be the knight cause you have to jump and stuff.” He didn’t mention it was because he thought of Andrew as one of the knights of Camelot.

Kevin laughed a little to himself—perhaps the drink was affecting him after all. Andrew actually scoffed and started to get up. He collected the shot glasses and a last remaining cocktail from Nicky’s order and put them on a tray. But as he walked away, Kevin heard him clearly say over his shoulder: “I’d clearly be the king piece.”

He stalked away towards the bar with the tray balanced expertly on his shoulder. Kevin’s eyes skimmed the crowd without losing sight of Andrew, before finally landing on Nicky and Aaron. Neil didn’t seem to be around them, in their circle or otherwise, sending a brief flash of anxiousness through Kevin, before he spotted him approaching Andrew. He quickly looked away.

Although he was loathed to abandon their table, with its ideal spot against the wall and enough seats for three of them versus just a seat for just one, Kevin felt the need to be up and moving. He was just tipsy enough that he wasn’t paranoid about cameras lurking around every corner as they had been in the Nest. Now he wanted to just dance.

He got up and went to Nicky, dancing in the middle of a small circle of people, including Aaron, who would snort into his cup every time Nicky did anything obnoxious. The dichotomy of Nicky grinding on some random guy and Aaron barely swaying to the bass made Kevin laugh a bit to himself.

Neil eventually returned, eyes bright, but clear. He smiled a tad wider upon seeing Kevin, who acknowledged him with a slight wave of the hand. Kevin’s gaze returned to Nicky though who was doing something like a body roll. When he experimented with it himself, rolling his body in what he thought was like Nicky, Neil actually laughed out loud. Even Nicky giggled and then grabbed at Kevin’s waist.

“That was a good try, but you want to do it more like this,” Nicky said, manually moving Kevin’s body into the right position. “You’re allowed to be a little bit naughty, come on, Christmas is over! See, look, Neil’s got it!” Nicky said, beyond excited. Kevin turned to see Neil moving exactly how Nicky had instructed, with a mischievous smile on his face aimed right at Kevin.

He was right on beat for whatever top forty song was playing, and it drove Kevin up the wall to know that without even trying, Neil could move like that. He rolled his eyes and tried again, and was treated to Nicky’s applause, although he watched to see Neil’s approval.

“Much better! Now all of you have to dance with me since you’ve been holding out on me all this time!” Nicky smiled and turned to Aaron. “And that means you too, cousin.”

Kevin laughed out loud and followed along to whatever dance Nicky showed them. For their first time back to Edens in a long time, this night was going extraordinarily well.

  
  


The next day, Kevin, along with his perfectly clear recollection of learning how to grind by practicing on Nicky, woke up and immediately wanted to crawl back into the cocoon he’d made out of his sheets. He was slightly hungover, a little groggy, and a lot thirsty, and couldn’t imagine that combo in addition to having actual interactions with his roommates.

He stared up at Nicky’s bunk above him and tried to hold onto his good mood from last night. It was slipping through his fingers like sand. Just as he’d made up his mind to lay back down and search his dreams for last night's good mood, Nicky swung his head down in a Spiderman-like move, before hooting and jumping down from his bed.

“Kevin Day, up before 11 on a Saturday? I cannot believe my eyes!” He said, laughter in his voice. Kevin grumbled to himself and pulled the green comforter on his bed over his head. Nicky was an insufferably peppy morning person, which coffee only exacerbated. And as much as Kevin appreciated how Nicky’s bubbly personality allowed him to break the all-too-common tension in a room, and his help to break Kevin out of his shell... he enjoyed sleeping more.

He turned over, fading into the land of dreams for a few minutes more until his hair was sharply tugged on. He opened one eye to see Andrew’s retreating back and closed his eyes. Kevin technically had plans today, but it wasn’t like Andrew cared that Kevin made it on time. Why was he interfering with Kevin’s sleep now?

He flopped onto his back and glared at the bottom of Nicky’s bunk. He continued scowling for several minutes before groaning and actually getting up. He was instantly cold, missing the warmth of his thick blanket already. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned. Kevin could hear his bones cracking and popping into place and grimaced. He hated the sound of cracking bones, and couldn’t stand when his teammates (most often Andrew) cracked their knuckles around him, let alone his neck.

Kevin went into the kitchen after putting on some bunny slippers of Nicky’s and got himself a piece of toast and a glass of almond milk. Ever since he was little, starting at his mother’s house, he’d always drunk almond milk. He and his mother had shared being lactose intolerant, and the thought of her sobered him immediately, pulling him out of his sleepy haze. Thinking of his mother always made him feel bleak and solemn, so he generally avoided it. But ever since he’d told Wymack the truth about him being Kevin’s father, thoughts of her had been coming unbidden more and more often.

After his mom’s death, Kevin had been initially obsessed with finding pieces of her legacy, reliving her life. He’d asked Tetsuji about how she’d spoken, what she’d spoken about, asked to watch tapes of her playing (as a striker), and to see old pictures. Eventually, though, both Riko and Tetsuji grew tired of his constant need to reminisce about his mother. And that was the end of that.

It was odd to think of her without being prompted by something like an interview question, and even odder to think that, if he wanted, he could even ask questions about her to his father. He frowned at the thought of the differences between the Foxhole Court and the Nest and took a bite of his toast. He didn’t really have the mental capacity to pick that apart today and maintain his composure. Kevin had to keep his head on straight so that he could go through submission tapes with his father, work on some research on potential professional teams, and train with Neil and whoever else in the evening if he could convince Andrew to take him to the court. Getting caught up in the emotional rollercoaster that was dissecting his time in the Nest was not on the schedule. Kevin went back to his breakfast and tried to keep his mind on his plans for the day.

By the time Kevin was done eating, everyone else had already finished getting ready for their own day. Nicky was going out shopping with a few friends who he’d known when they lived full-time in Columbia and was going to hitch a ride with them back to Charleston. The twins had both planned what were basically dates with their significant others. Neil and Andrew planned to drive off somewhere for the day, not returning to campus until it was late. Aaron was going on a day trip with Kaitlyn, having taken Matt’s unused truck up to Columbia yesterday in order to drive back and then out to their destination. For such different upbringings and attitudes, Andrew and Aaron were remarkably similar at times.

They all split up fairly quickly, barely offering nods of acknowledgment or a quick goodbye before heading out, leaving Kevin all alone in the dorms. Although he felt a twinge in his chest at being left alone, he planned to take full advantage of the oh-so-rare alone time that he had, and turn up his own preferred music. While classical was good to study too (so he didn’t have any lyrics to get distracted by), he liked to listen to 70s and 80s synth-o-pop to really pump himself up. There was just something about the drama of the lyrics and the whining of the vocals that he just loved. Normally Nicky and/or Andrew forced him to turn it off, but his newfound aloneness made him the Queen of what would be blasted in their dorm room.

Kevin hummed to the lyrics as he pulled on pants and shoes and then checked his phone again for the text that said Wymack was close to the house. Wymack had offered to drive out to Colombia to pick him up (for what Aaron had snickered was only for uninterrupted bonding time when Kevin couldn’t avoid him). They’d go to the lunch, and then the stadium to work on potential new members of the team for next season. Aaron may have had a bit of truth to what he was saying, but Kevin was looking forward to the outing nonetheless. 

He walked out of the house and down to the end of the driveway, where he waited on the curb, hands stuck in his pocket and balanced on the balls of his feet. It wasn’t long before Wymack was pulling up, reaching over to unlock the passenger side door for Kevin.

Kevin hopped in the truck quickly, clicking on his seatbelt after getting a look from Wymack when he didn’t immediately do it. Wymack didn’t waste time once it was done, skidding away from the cousin’s house. 

Kevin was mostly quiet on the drive, listening to the music that his dad had put on. It definitely wasn’t something that Kevin would have chosen, but he didn’t hate it. His dad seemed to like it anyway if the nodding of his head was anything to go off of. 

“So what kind of food are you feeling, kid?” Wymack asked. “How about Stoner’s Pizza?” It was actually a place they’d been together before, on one of the first good… hang-outs they’d had as father and son. Kevin appreciated his father’s choice of a place they’d enjoyed together before. 

“Sure.”

Wymack made a quick turn down a side street and Kevin silently marveled at how he just...knew his way around the streets. Kevin didn’t even have his driver’s license—he’d never bothered to get one since normally Andrew and Neil were doing all the driving to and from the stadium. He wondered briefly what it would be like to drive Andrew’s Maserati and quickly banished the thought. Not only would Andrew never let him, but in the fantasy world where he did, he would be silently judgemental at Kevin’s every move in his car. But maybe Wymack—his dad, he corrected—would teach him one day. 

When they made it to Stoner’s and got a table in the small restaurant, Kevin immediately started grilling Wymack about the players he’d pulled for them to go over today. Although in a perfect world Kevin would go through every potential player to find the diamonds in the rough, that just wasn’t realistic. Ever since they’d won the championships, there were more submissions than he could reasonably expect Wymack to go over the kind of depth that Kevin wanted. For that reason, Wymack had pulled out the players that weren’t a good fit for the Foxes and had a passing familiarity with the leftover potential recruits. 

Wymack was game for it and pointed out a few players. Over their pizza—Wymack’s some monstrosity with extra cheese, and Kevin’s with vegetables—they discussed who was the most promising of the bunch and who they would need to look at further. A backliner named Charlie stuck out to Kevin for Wymack’s assessment of her strong connection with her goalie. Who knew if that would carry over to the Foxes, but they could definitely use a defensive player that worked with the goalie, rather than just in front of them. 

When they finished and made their way back to the truck, Wymack rolled the windows down for the ride back. South Carolina was pretty southern, Charleston actually being the scene of the first battle of the Civil War, but one thing in its favor was that it never got too cold. Although it was the last week of December, it hadn’t dropped below 50 degrees. Aaron muttered about global warming whenever Neil pointed out how they only needed hoodies, but Kevin just basked in not having to change his entire wardrobe to go outside. 

The drive took almost no time at all as they traded thoughts about the kinds of players and attitudes they each thought the team needed, and soon they were pulling up to the Foxhole Court. It still blew Kevin away a little every time he saw it. Beyond the appeal of it being an Exy Court, it was so different from the Raven’s Court, he couldn’t help but like it. It was a guilty thought he’d had a few times, but every time, he felt like he was turning his back on Edgar Allen—the good and the bad. 

Wymack put the car in park and yawned before unlocking his door. Kevin followed suit and began to make his way towards the building. They walked beside one another, no uncertainty in their steps as they headed towards Wymack’s office. It was in the hallway with the other staff offices, i.e. Abbie and Betsy, so they stopped by to say hello.

Betsy’s door was open, meaning she was available to speak to. Wymack rapped his knuckles on the door frame and stepped in. She looked up and smiled wide at both of them.

“Hello! David, Kevin,” she said in greeting. Kevin nodded, shooting her a small smile and wave, before continuing to walk towards the office. Wymack stayed to talk to her, as Kevin waved to Abby on the phone in her office, and unlocked Wymacks's door.

Kevin’s relationship with Betsy and Abby weren’t necessarily good or bad, they just weren’t...relevant. Betsy was someone he was required to talk to at least once a semester, which was more of a chore than anything he had any feelings (positive or negative) about. She was also the person who talked to Andrew regularly (Kevin still didn’t get that relationship—Andrew before Neil had never opened up to any of the Monsters, despite spending nearly all of his time with them and he chose Betsy to open up to? She was nice, but she wasn’t a person that Kevin would think Andrew would find trustworthy, considering the way he treated his friends—Kevin specifically).

Abby was another person he was required to see, a visit that was slightly more tolerable, being completely physical. Kevin only cared about his body to the extent that it was fit to play. Abby was good about that, often assuaging his fears about his hand, and was also a kind person that often allowed the team to share her home. But her relationship with Kevin’s father was awkward for him to say the least. He’d relied on her for emotional support before he’d known about their relationship, but couldn’t reconcile how much that made her seem like a replacement mother—something he wasn’t ready to even think about yet. 

Kevin stepped into Wymack’s office and took a deep breath as he looked at the stacked folders containing the information and statistics about potential new recruits. He enjoyed the methodical process of going through potential recruits and evaluating how'd they fit into the team. It was a good way to clear his head and focus on the simple pros and cons that were never so simple in day-to-day life.

He dove right into it, sorting the immediate no’s from the yes’s and maybe’s. A few of the players he set to the side for his father to look at; he’d probably have a better idea than Kevin how the new player would fit with the team socially, rather than just into their playing dynamics. Wymack came in at some point, probably when Kevin had been absorbed in watching tape of one of the players, and wordlessly fit himself into the system Kevin had laid out.

Another one of the players stuck out to him besides Charlie, although this player wasn’t necessarily good or bad. She did, however, play just as fiercely as Neil had when he first started, with an intensity and aggressiveness that impressed him. He didn’t know if the team could take another Neil though, with them all just now starting to relax back into normal habits.

He set her file into the one he’d made for his father and then noticed the black folder underneath all the rest, stark against the cream of all the others. Kevin pulled it out carefully, unsure of whether or not it was a filing mistake or something else. The pit in his stomach told him that he probably wasn’t going to like it.

He opened the file and was confronted with a picture of his mother. It was from when she was young, probably college, although he hadn’t ever seen the picture before. She was smiling at something off the camera, long black hair framing her face. He recognized her green eyes from the ones he saw in the mirror and the shape of her smile from faded memories of her holding him. It immediately made his chest hurt.

Kevin continued to flip through the file, reading through her stats and a brief biography that he knew was copied from Wikipedia, a page he’d looked at many times. It wasn’t until he reached the last page in the folder that it hit him who had sent this. The last page was clearly ripped out of some sort of journal and was addressed as ‘Dear Diary’. The words were undoubtedly in his mother’s handwriting. It read:

“Dear Diary,

Kevin has gone to stay the night with Tetsuji and Riko. I can’t say that I’m at all bothered. It’s all been a lot lately—Tetsuji has been showing me plans for where he thinks Exy could go in America and has already secured a deal with some school in West Virginia. And honestly, I couldn’t be more excited.

But then there’s Kevin to think about. He’s always been a lot, ever since I had him, especially all on my own. I know that at the end of the day it was my choice, but what am I supposed to do now? Sacrifice my career? Tetsuji has talked about taking him in and raising him with Riko—not that I wouldn’t be a part of the picture. It would just give me a break from my life having to revolve around Kevin constantly. 

I can't focus on building my career while also making sure that he has on the right history documentary every hour. I swear to God, I’ve watched more of the history channel than I ever did in college, and I considered being a history major. I’ll have to give Tetsuji a call and see how it would work if he took over some of the guardianship of Kevin.

Sincerely,

Kayleigh”

And underneath that, in blood-red ink, were the words “Even when your mother was still around, you always belonged to me.”

It wasn’t until he started to see stars that Kevin realized he was holding his breath. He didn’t know where to start with the file on his mother. That it was Tetsuji, probably taken from some documents he still had possession of, was of no doubt. But was what she’d written true? Had she really considered (and seemed to have followed through with) giving him up? Had she been the one ultimately responsible for all the suffering Kevin had gone through growing up?

Kevin’s thoughts of his mother had been one of his only solaces when being terrorized in Evermore. Imagining what it would have been like had she not died was what had kept his mind off of the horrible things done to him—and that he had participated in. But it seemed that no matter what, Evermore had been Kevin’s fate.

He let himself breathe out, trying to focus on getting rid of the stars in his vision and stopping his hands from shaking. Kevin took in two more shuddering breaths before Wymack looked up at him. He looked concerned and was up and out of his chair as soon as he registered the black file folder in Kevin’s hands.

“What is that? Are you okay?” he asked, tone gruff.

“I- it’s nothing,” Kevin said, not sure he wanted to get into the implications of this diary entry if it was true. Kevin didn’t have the energy to think about how this would affect Wymack, although Kevin was sure he would have some sort of feeling about Kayleigh choosing Tetsuji to be Kevin’s guardian. But Kevin only had time for his own impending meltdown.

“Kevin. Don’t lie to me, I can see that isn’t a regular recruit file. What is it?” Wymack said, voice turning stern. Kevin bit his lip and handed the file to his father. He didn’t have much of a choice in this situation, knowing Wymack wasn't going to take no for an answer. Kevin stood up.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom, Coach. I’ll be back.” Kevin said, trying to keep his face straight, and like nothing was wrong. His father looked up at him, eyes narrowed, the file not yet even opened.

“Okay.”

Kevin set the folder on the desk and then stood up carefully, before leaving the room. He walked briskly down the hallway, choosing to go to the bathroom on the other side of the court. He needed time to collect himself without anyone seeing him. There weren’t really people in the Court right now, just a few staff, but Kevin still couldn’t risk being seen at less than his best. He could not have a public meltdown, lest he tarnish their—his image.

He walked, back ramrod straight, hands in front of him. He flexed his left hand to remind himself that he could still feel it, although he kept it carefully out of view, hidden behind his right. Kevin wanted to speed up his pace, maybe even run.

He kept up the pace he had already established, making it to the bathroom door at what he hoped was a normal pace, although he was rushing to get out of sight. He opened the door slowly, holding it open longer than necessary as if holding it open for someone else. When he realized his mistake (his slip back into old habits) he hurriedly closed the door and locked himself in a bathroom stall.

When no one could see him it was easier to fall apart. His face was hot and his eyes and throat burned with unshed tears. Kevin knew rationally that if he needed to, he could let the tears fall and have his emotions as volatilely as he needed to. But his instinct to keep himself contained made the only thing that came out something like a choked-off sob.

He didn't even know what he was crying for exactly. His mother had given him away earlier than he'd thought. Big deal. Either way, he would've ended up with the Moriyama's, taken in as a kind of pet. It didn't really make a difference when that was officialized.

That didn't stop Kevin from feeling betrayed. It was a hard thing to confront, even in just his thoughts. His mind had polished his idea of his mother over time, to something smooth and without any blemishes. He couldn't remember any times where he'd been unhappy with her. But, he guessed, the issue was more with her being unhappy with him.

He hugged himself, tucking his left hand closer to his body automatically, and crouching closer to the floor. He didn't sit down, remembering even in his state that this was a bathroom (he wasn't about to sit down in a puddle of piss and make his day worse). 

He didn't know where to go from here. He could have his freakout now, and then go back and have another as he discussed with Wymack what exactly was in that diary entry (not to mention addressing Wymack's feelings about it all). He could text Wymack and walk back to the tower. In fact, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket—probably Wymack trying to find out where/how he was once he'd read the file. He could probably make use of that and attempt to be let off without talking. 

He just didn't know how to even begin to put into words everything that he was feeling at the moment. His mother hadn't wanted him after all, even though she'd chosen to keep him. She'd given him to people that she knew were affiliated with something not above ground. And yet, he wanted to sympathize with her and understand more about where she was coming from, rather than just the unintended consequences of her actions.

Kevin sat there, head spinning in circles. His phone was still buzzing in his pocket, probably Wymack trying to find him. He reached for his phone, debating with himself whether he should answer his father. It was likely that his dad was just worried—but even if that were the case, it still required Kevin to confront the situation directly and in words that other people could understand. 

But Wymack was still his father and was affected by the note as well. Kevin was tired of shutting people out. He got up off the ground, reaching into his pocket at the same time to reach for his phone. He closed his eyes and sighed before swiping to answer it.

“Hello? Kevin? Where are you? I just read… Are you okay?” Wymack said immediately, probably as soon as he heard the line connect.

“I’m okay. I just went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I’m fine.” As he said it, he felt like Neil, a thought which almost made him smile. 

“That’s good… hey, why don’t you come back? We can take a break from going through files.” Kevin hadn’t noticed before how much concern was in Wymack’s voice until it had alleviated somewhat. 

“Sure.”

Kevin walked back, and Wymack gestured toward the doors of the stadium, and the parking lot. Kevin followed wordlessly, and they made the ride back to the main part of campus in heavy silence. Kevin rode with his head resting on the back of the seat, feeling like his mind was full of static. He didn’t even realize that they weren’t just making a loop and going back to the court until they were stopped in front of the dorms. Kevin lifted his head and looked back at Wymack, who was just putting the car in park.

“I thought we were going to finish the files? Why are we back at the dorm?” Kevin said slowly. He felt like he was in enough control of himself to not spiral and just wanted to get to work. But he had a sinking feeling that his coach was going to do something “fatherly.”

“I think we’re done for today. I’ll probably head out myself once I stop by and check in with Abby. I figured I’d drop you off while we were already driving.” Wymack said like there was no reason for it. 

“If you think that I can’t handle going back to looking at files—”

“Kevin. What Tetsuji sent was… a lot to handle. For you and me. Let’s just take the time to actually handle it, before making decisions that will make or break some dumb kid’s future.” Wymack said with a tone of finality. Kevin closed his mouth but clenched his jaw. 

If he broke some kid’s heart because he wasn’t chosen for their team, then it wasn’t because he was emotionally unstable—it would be because the kid wasn’t good enough to play with them. And it wasn’t even like he was emotionally unstable. 

“Alright. I guess I will see you later then.” Kevin bit out. Wymack nodded at him, and Kevin got out of the car without another word. He swiped himself into the building, and into the staircase, making his way back up to his suite. He found himself back in his bed before he knew it. Now that he was by himself, he just wanted to sob. 

His eyes burned and he got the familiar ache in his chest that meant he was going to cry. But he knew if he cried, he would be forced to confront the issue—and Kevin would much prefer to pretend like it was nothing. And it was. He’d lived (been given to) the Nest and now he was at the Foxhole Court. That was all that mattered.

Kevin flexed his hand and rolled over so that he was facing the wall. If he wasn’t going to be able to look at the stats of potential new players, then he would just look up stats for teams that they would play next season. He opened his phone to the ESPN app and found the players' statistics for Clemson. They had only recently gotten a team but it was always good to be aware of the up-and-coming. That was what the Foxes had been.

He continued for a while, taking notes on his phone half-heartedly. Eventually, he decided to just take a nap. It was 5 o’clock in the evening, no one else was home, and for almost the first time in his life, he didn’t want to think of Exy anymore. The “son of exy” was shirking his duty. Kevin rolled over and closed his eyes. He could question his so-called duties later.

Kevin woke up when he heard the door to the dorm open. He was completely out of it but managed to catch Nicky’s voice yelling something about food. Grumpy at being woken up, he turned over and beat down his pillow forcefully, before closing his eyes. That didn’t stop Nicky from banging open the bedroom door and yelling. 

“Kevin! Why are you in bed, it’s like 7 o’clock. You won’t be able to sleep tonight!” he said, coming right in, and shaking Kevin’s shoulder. 

“Nicky, are you fucking serious. I’m napping, Jesus Christ.” Kevin bit out, trying not to snap on Nicky. He’d been told that his attitude upon waking up could be “abrasive.”

“I mean, obviously. Get up, I brought back some fries.”

Kevin stuffed his face into his pillow and tried to find the will to not take out his mood on Nicky. It was a close call, but he sat up and raised his eyebrows at Nicky, knowing that if he opened his mouth something unpleasant would come out. 

Nicky smiled at him, gesturing for him to follow him out of the room. He led Kevin towards the living room and plopped into the bean bag chair next to the couch. Kevin took the couch spot and immediately picked up the remote and started to flip through the channels. 

“Gonna put on a game?” Nicky asked, shoving fries into his mouth. He wasn’t at all focused on the TV, instead, texting something one-handed on his phone. Kevin grimaced and pressed the change channel button harder than was probably necessary. 

“No.”

“Oh. Okay. Want any fries? I know they’re not strictly on diet, but it’s fucking break, right?” Nicky said, blinking and quickly changing the subject. 

“You know what? Give me the fries.” Who gave a fuck that he’d already had pizza today.

Nicky’s eyebrows raised at that, but he handed over the box without a word. Kevin took two and handed it back. Kevin turned back towards the TV and continued flipping through channels. There were, of course, the sports channels, some day-time soap operas, and some kids cartoons. But nothing that was good to _watch_. Kevin scowled as he continued to change the channel, until Nicky bit his lip and looked up at him. 

“How about we just settle for one of the movies that’s on? It might not be good, but I’ll let you tell me why it’s not good the whole time to make you feel better.” Nicky said.

“I feel fine.” Kevin said but handed over the remote with a sigh. He crossed his arms over his chest and then uncrossed them as he realized it made him look petulant. Nicky changed the channel twice before settling on some movie that looked like it was half-way through its run time.

“27 Dresses! You ever seen this one?” Nicky asked, throwing the remote on the other side of the couch. He stuffed some fries in his mouth and shifted, so his leg was crossed underneath him.

“I’ve never heard of it.” Kevin said. He had never really had the time to sit down and watch movies, especially ones that seemed to be about women trying on colorful dresses. He must’ve made a face because Nicky glanced over at him and burst into laughter.

“She’s trying on old bridesmaid dresses from weddings she’s been in.” 

“ _Those_ are bridesmaids dresses?” Kevin said. He’d never been to a wedding, but he wasn’t stupid. On the other hand, Kevin had never done anything but Exy, the thing is his mother had supposedly traded him in for. Maybe he needed to diversify his interests. Just in case.

Nicky laughed again and waved at him to just watch. Kevin dutifully faced the screen and tried to pay attention. Nicky never really led him wrong, grinding notwithstanding.

Kevin and Nicky finished that movie, and then another one, and eventually made their way to bed. Aaron came back at some point, going back to his room almost immediately after giving them a brief rundown of his date. Andrew and Neil didn’t come back that night, although it wasn’t until 11:30 that Kevin realized it. He hadn’t been watching the clock exactly, but as it approached midnight, Kevin’s stomach twisted into knots.

He didn’t need to see them every night or have to be with them every second of the day (at least he didn’t _anymore_ ), but with the...revelation he’d had today, he’d wanted the old comfort of Andrew’s steadiness and support, as well as Neil’s certainty in his every action. They would have been a welcome distraction at least. He turned over in bed, unable to find a comfortable position. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Kevin woke up, and could only tell his toes were still attached because of how the blanket rustled when he flexed his foot. Andrew must have come back; he was the only one that ever messed with the thermostat and set it to Arctic temperatures. Kevin immediately scowled into his pillow. Was it so hard to leave the thermostat at 70? He didn't think so— but he'd apparently been wrong about a lot of things, he thought bitterly.

He’d dreamed of his mother last night, unsurprisingly. She’d been holding him, which was nice. He had liked being held. But she’d set him down in a dark dark room and then...left. He’d sat there for an eternity waiting for her to come back, but she never had. He could still feel the cavern in his chest from his despair at being abandoned. But he wasn’t going to dwell on that feeling right now. His mother had left him to the Nest, and he was now an NCAA Champion on a team that was only getting better. It didn’t matter what she’d done.

He repeated that to himself as he pulled himself out of bed and started to get ready. Nicky was already out of bed, probably getting ready for the Campus ministry services he had started to attend on Sunday afternoons. Kevin didn’t have any specific plans today, but he supposed he’d go back to the court and finish working on the prospects so that Dan and Neil could go over them next week.

He was vaguely uncomfortable with the thought of going back to the court and facing the file, which was undoubtedly still there, but what else was he supposed to do? Sit in the dorm and wait around for his roommates? Kevin still didn’t want to discuss any of yesterday’s events and figured it would be best to just leave the dorm. It would do him good to get a walk in since they hadn’t had evening practice yesterday. 

By the time he was ready, he could hear the others moving around in the living room. He was surprised that none of them had slept in longer, especially considering how late Neil and Andrew must have gotten in. A glance at his phone told him that it wasn’t as late as he’d previously assumed. They were all probably having lunch by now, and he’d be able to leave without much fanfare. When he finally emerged from the hallway connecting the bathroom, bedroom, and the living room area, only Nicky spared him a glance, though all three were in the room. 

“Hey, Kevin!” he chirped as Kevin walked past him and into the kitchen.

“Morning,” he said tersely, grabbing a plain bagel that they had on the counter and turning to walk out of the door. Nicky was blocking his way back out of the kitchen, however, as he had resumed his spot leaning on the doorframe. He continued his conversation with Andrew and Neil, who were sitting on the living room bean bags, watching TV and not paying Nicky (or Kevin) any attention.

“Come on, all I’m saying is give a cousin a little warning! Who knows where you could have been!” Nicky whined, clearly fed up with not receiving any acknowledgment. His statement made Kevin feel a little relieved—it hadn’t been odd of him to notice that they hadn’t come home. He muttered an “excuse me” to Nicky and brushed past him to the front door. He was almost finished putting his shoes on when Nicky finally noticed he was leaving.

“Oh, are you taking the shuttle to the court? I’ll ride with you, the ministry is super close!” Nicky said, jumping up to put his shoes on. “I’m late anyway.” 

“No, I’m walking.” Kevin said, his tone betraying that he wasn’t in the mood for any kind of company. 

“Oh, ok. I’ll walk with you as far as the shuttle stop then.” Nicky said, a little hesitantly.

Kevin nodded without speaking and opened the door. Nicky followed after shouting a farewell to Andrew and Neil, who merely grunted in response. He and Nicky walked out of the dorm in silence, Kevin purposely avoiding Nicky’s attempts to make eye contact. But as they approached the bus stop, Nicky spoke anyway.

“Hey… so I know you were upset yesterday when you came in, and I can tell you’re still a little upset, but I hope that you know you can talk to me about whatever you need to!” Nicky rushed out. “I know Aaron or Andrew and Neil won’t ask what’s wrong, so I figured I’d offer.” he hazarded a half-smile at Kevin who instantly bristled. 

“Don’t feel obligated. I don’t need a keeper anymore.” Kevin snarled, suddenly feeling like he was an object to be passed around by everyone. “Have fun at church.” he bit out and stalked in the other direction. 

He made it to the Court fairly quickly, and let himself in, immediately making his way to Wymack’s office. When he was just up the hallway, he spotted Wymack talking to Abby. When they saw him approaching they immediately went silent. They must have been talking about the diary—how Wymack was probably angry at his mother for keeping Kevin from him, how pitiful Kevin was only then realizing what his mother had done. 

Was he supposed to be her defender at this moment? He’d been taught to never speak ill of the dead, and normally he would never abide someone speaking ill of his mother. But he was angry at her too—and confused. She’d made so many baffling choices and then died, leaving him to live with the consequences. Kevin didn't know what to say to Wymack or Abby, to come to his mother’s defense or denounce her, so he turned on his heel and went to the locker rooms.

When he got there, he faltered. He hadn’t planned on playing today, but he wasn’t sure that he could be in a room with Wymack without him bringing up the elephant in the room. When weighing his two options, talking to Wymack or getting in some court time, he went with practice. He dressed out quickly, grabbed his racket in his right hand, and made his way onto the court.

The court usually made him feel better—just taking a deep breath while he stood on it made him alive and like he knew his purpose. But right then, he was just on an Exy court. It was a familiar place, but the dedication and passion he typically felt when playing was murky and mixed up with the memories of his mother. With that bitter thought, Kevin turned to the cones he’d pulled out of the locker room and quickly started setting up the beginner Raven drills that he usually saved for night practice.

It was almost second nature to him to get started hitting cones. This drill world better with a partner to call a truly random assortment of cones to hit and areas to rebound off of, but Kevin could make do. He always did. Eventually, however, he was forced to stop.

“Kevin! I figured you were out here.” Wymack called, sounding the slightest bit relieved as he walked onto the Court. “I waited in the office a while after I finished talking to Abby, but you didn’t come by, so I figured you’d decided to practice some.”

“I just thought you and her would be talking longer, I guess.”

Wymack frowned but didn’t address his comment. “We didn’t get through as many players as I wanted yesterday—what do you say to finishing out the stack today just to have it over with?”

Kevin finally lowered his racket and turned to look at Coach. He was standing by the doors, hands in his pockets. His expression was gruff, as per usual, and didn’t betray any feelings whatsoever, about the diary entry or otherwise. Kevin huffed out a breath, and glanced at the floor, before looking back up. 

“Sure,” he said curtly, before walking towards him. Wymack let the slightest bit of surprise cross his face before he smoothed his expression and turned back towards the door. 

“I have a few already pulled out for you to look at, and we can watch their tapes later. There are some intriguing playing styles in there that I think would add to the team’s playing style,” Wymack remarked. 

Kevin nodded sharply and walked with Wymack as they made their way to his office. Wymcak seemed to know that Kevin wasn’t in the mood for idle chatter, and were he in any other mood, Kevin would probably appreciate it. But instead, he kept his mouth shut and got right to the abandoned file folders he’d left scattered the day before. So much for father-son bonding.

Several hours passed with very little conversation exchanged between the two of them. A few times Wymack made a comment about a player that Kevin should look out for, or asked his opinion, but Kevin almost universally answered back robotically and without much inflection. Exy was a reflex at this point, and he just couldn’t muster up the normal level of intensity he had for this kind of thing. 

At some point, Wymack decided he’d done enough for the day, and Kevin was inclined to agree. Based on the yes, no, and maybe piles that they had accumulated, they had gone through about 50 players each with the no’s and maybe’s far outweighing the yeses. Unsurprising- there were always going to be more hopefuls than they could realistically take, Kevin thought, even with their new, much higher quota. He stood up and stretched at the same time as Wymack. It seemed like both of them were a little tired of sitting around.

“Both getting old, huh? Wymack said good-naturedly. Kevin nodded but didn’t meet his father’s eyes. He didn’t really have much to say. 

"Look, Kevin... " Wymack began, "I know we didn't talk yesterday but I wanted to just check-in. I don't know if it was real—and it very well may not be—but I called the campus police anyway because either way, someone broke in. And I don't want anyone on the team to feel unsafe on the court - you especially. " His face did something complicated, and it took Kevin a second to realize that Wymack was just as uncomfortable as Kevin was.

"And anyway... I also wanted to let you know that no matter what your mother said or did—you're still wanted now. We all want you here, history anecdotes and all." Wymack smiled crookedly and put his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "Okay?"

Kevin swallowed before responding. "Yeah. Thanks, Dad." Kevin said quietly. They stood in silence for a second, Kevin maintaining eye contact with the floor at the floor so he didn't have to confront whatever expression was on his father's face. Wymack eventually cleared his throat and let go of Kevin's shoulder.

“Now let's get you back to the dorms, huh?" Wymack said. "I'm sure Andrew has plans for the evening with everyone." Kevin wanted to scoff at that but instead mumbled something about not being sure as Wymack led him to his truck.

It wasn't his fault he didn't know how to talk to Kevin. They hadn't ever really talked until Kevin was a teenager, and Wymack had only found out he was a father, less than a year ago. At least he'd never had to experience what had apparently been the hellish experience that had been Kevin as a toddler. At least Kevin couldn't ask him if giving him to the Master had been a viable option.

Their entire walk to the truck, Kevin thought about his childhood. It was really just a blur of Exy and Riko (and violence and pain) but no true parental figures. The master had been just that—a master and figure to obeyed. He and Riko had made it clear that Kevin was not—and would never be—a Moriyama. He was not family.

Even his mother's memory was faint and mixed up with Exy and the fun things they'd done together. How would Wymack being in the picture have changed that? Would he have lived in Charleston, worn orange, and trained with the Foxes? Would his father have grown tired of him too?

Kevin was startled out of his thoughts when Wymack stopped the car in front of the dorms. He had zoned out the entire drive. Kevin looked over at Wymack and quickly thanked him as he got out. He chastised himself for focusing the entire drive on what-ifs and maybes related to his father. It would just hurt both of them when Kevin had enough hurt and confusion on his own.

He walked into the building and slowly climbed the stairs. The others were here if Andrew's Maserati in the parking lot was anything to go by. And it had been hours, so Nicky was probably back from church. Kevin didn't feel like talking to any of them but he was hungry and didn't want to go to bed yet so he was probably going to have to do yet another thing he didn't want to do.

He made it to the top of the stairs faster than he would have liked and took a moment to stand in front of the door to the room when he reached it. Kevin blew out a breath and opened the door. Unsurprisingly, all the monsters were in the living room, eating pizza.

"Pizza's on the counter if you want some,” Neil said absent-mindedly, staring at the TV. He, Andrew, and Aaron were sitting on the bean bags in front of the TV. Nicky was on a stool at the kitchen bar, but they were all watching Aaron and Andrew play MarioKart.

Kevin set his keys down by the door and walked towards the kitchen, never taking his eyes off the TV. He didn't mind that his presence had barely been acknowledged, not only because he didn’t want to talk to anyone, but also because this was obviously an intense game. Aaron was leaning into his turns and grunting whenever he ran into some obstacle, but it was Andrew that made the game worth paying attention to. His face betrayed no emotion that Kevin could parse out, as per usual, but he had a death knuckled grip on the controller and a clenched jaw that told a different story.

Kevin finally looked away when his stomach growled and turned his attention to the pizza on the counter. It was Domino's; their usual because they always had a deal and normally delivered fast. It was obvious that the others had already had their fill because of the four pizza boxes left on the counter, only three slices were left.

Kevin sighed as he transferred his pizza to a plate and then to the microwave. He'd been eating nothing but junk the past few days and had done no gym or real court time to make up for it. The Raven's would have never allowed that. He would be playing with no food for days if he ate like this at Edgar Allen. Kevin looked at his pizza going around and around in the microwave and felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't earned this pizza. He hadn't earned this off time, he had to go— 

“God damn it, Andrew !" Aaron shouted, startling Kevin out of his thoughts and making Nicky slosh his drink all over his chest. Kevin chose to focus on that instead of returning to his previous train of thought. He turned and grabbed a paper towel to hand to Nicky while Aaron kept shouting over Nicky's grumbles and Neil's giggles.

“Rematch. I know you fucking cheated—I've seen you use those cheat codes or whatever the fuck with Nicky and I know you’re using them now,” he said as he stood, still holding the controller in his hand as he tried to loom over Andrew. At 5'0 he wasn't doing a very good job—or at least Kevin wasn't impressed.

Nicky exclaimed something as he realized Aaron had let Andrew cheat while playing with him as Neil said "I didn't see any cheating." Aaron snarled something at him in response as Neil stood and made his way to the kitchen. The twins' argument (or Aaron's tirade against Andrew's nonchalance) continued as Neil came over to Kevin and took Kevin's plate out of the microwave, and a soda out of the fridge. He took a bite of Kevin’s pizza before he finally addressed him.

"Find any good ones?“ Neil asked with his mouth full, referring to the players Kevin had looked at today. That had been the furthest thing from Kevin’s mind. He grimaced and took his plate out of Neil’s hands. When Kevin didn't immediately respond, Neil continued. 

“Any mobster's kids? Anyone on the run?" He waggled his eyebrows and Kevin rolled his eyes in response.

"Wymack gave me clear instructions to not let there be another you next year,” Kevin admitted wryly. Neil barked a laugh in response.

"Did he really? "he laughed. Kevin smiled a bit and nodded. Neil shook his head and made a face.

“I still can't believe that out of everyone you could have picked you picked me,” Neil said. He stepped away for a moment to get himself a soda from the fridge but came back to stand next to Kevin.

"It was meant to be,” Kevin said. "We were meant to play together." Neil hummed his agreement, but before he could say anything else, Aaron's volume increased again. Suddenly the easy, comfortable air between the two of them was broken and they both focused on the twins' argument again.

"What if we made a bet—a deal?” Aaron said. He almost sounded smug. Out of the corner of his eye; Kevin saw Neil purse his lips; Andrew on the other hand didn't seem to have batted an eye at Aaron's words.

“And what kind of _deal_ would you propose? Our deals have a strange habit of not turning out as planned. "Andrew said tonelessly, without looking from his phone. It was only the last sentence that gave away his interest. Aaron, on the other hand, looked suddenly nervous.

"Um—if I win then we go to Skidoos for New years. It's closer and—” 

"And you want your cheerleader to come, " Andrew nearly sneered. Aaron just lifted his chin and said nothing. The entire room remained silent until Andrew spoke again.

"And what would I get if I win?" he said, finally putting his phone down. That made Neil raise an eyebrow but Kevin wasn't surprised that Andrew was entertaining the idea. Their first year at Palmetto, Kevin had revolved around Andrew, but Andrew had revolved around Aaron—and Kevin didn't think that was just about keeping Aaron clean. Normally, that regard didn’t extend to things concerning Katelyn, but this past year (Neil) and their joint sessions with Bee had changed things.

“What do you want? " Aaron finally said, trying not to look apprehensive and failing. Andrew took a moment to think about it, and then responded.

"You'll do my set of chores for a month.”

“Come on, Andrew, I don't even live in this room anymore,” Aaron whined.

"Do you want the deal or not?" They stared each other down, two identical faces looking at the other stubbornly. Finally, Aaron sat down on the couch and grabbed his controller, and then handed Andrew his. Without a word, they began picking characters.

Nicky let out a low whistle and turned to Kevin and Neil. "Who knew that therapy together would let them solve their fights without shouting?" he rolled his eyes, “Wish I would've known that when they were in high school." When Kevin simply nodded at Nicky and returned his stare to the floor, Neil glanced at him, one brow arched raised. 

“You okay?” Neil asked, frowning. He was still holding his soda although he looked like he’d forgotten about it. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a headache.” Kevin lied. He wasn’t drinking and that would have to be enough. Kevin couldn’t talk about it with the others without feeling like his chest was cracking open. He also hadn’t forgotten their fight about Riko from not even a year ago. Besides his hand being broken, that was one of the worst week’s of his life. He preferred instead to just be quiet and handle this on his own. He didn’t have a deal with either one of them anymore. He wasn’t in a place where he was ready to completely fall apart on them again, not when he had just started to be whole.

Neil stepped away from his perch by Kevin's side and went back to his spot in the living room—but not before semi-playfully knocking shoulders with Nicky as he walked past. But based on the stiff way he sat down, Kevin could tell Neil was bothered that the deal had played out the way it had. Kevin just rolled his shoulders and took a bite of his now lukewarm pizza. lt hit his stomach like lead and sat like a rock in his gut.

By the time Andrew and Aaron had the game fully set up, the atmosphere in the room had become completely changed. Rather than the jovial mood of earlier, it was now not unlike the locker room before a game—intense, focused, and exciting. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kevin wondered if a bet would be all it took to get Andrew this focused on Exy (Kevin already knew the answer—of course it was; both he and Neil had bargained with Andrew to get him to play at one time or another. Kevin just never had the right leverage or thing to barter anymore). 

The game commenced on Rainbow Road—a path that Kevin had heard both Andrew and Aaron gripe about on separate occasions. As the race began, rainbow lights flashing and kitschy music that Kevin almost enjoyed blaring from the controllers, Kevin found himself unconsciously planning the moves that each man could make and best strategies. If push came to shove, he’d obviously want Andrew to win, but he was nothing if not a sucker for good competition. It wasn’t obvious who was going to win until nearly the very end when Andrew was hit by a blue shell and knocked back just enough to let Aaron take the win. 

There was a moment of silence and then Aaron almost screamed from the couch. He stood up and did some kind of victory dance that had Nicky in stitches and Neil staring at him like he’d grown a second head. Kevin had seen this dance once before—when Aaron had originally asked out Katelyn and she’d said yes. The good mood hadn’t lasted then, but it seemed that this time Andrew was going to let it go if his blank but unprotesting face was anything to go by. 

“You’re buying drinks,” Andrew said flatly, tossing the controller onto the floor in front of him. 

“Ha! You’re just mad you lost!” Aaron said triumphantly. “But I’ll buy the drinks.” He stood up and grabbed Andrew’s controller off the floor as he walked to the TV set and the basket where they kept the gaming consoles to put away the controllers. 

“So… are we gonna watch TV or something now?” Nicky said. Andrew had turned back to his phone, and so didn’t respond, but Aaron shrugged and tossed him the remote from where he was sitting on his haunches by the TV. Nicky immediately started flipping through channels as the others got comfortable in the living room. 

“Oh look Kevin, 27 Dresses is on again! Wanna watch from the beginning?” Nicky said excitedly. “Come in here and sit down.” Kevin went to step forward but then remembered the half-eaten pizza in his hands. He could still feel the few bites of pizza he’d taken weighing on his stomach and suddenly felt ill. He’d gotten so caught up in Aaron and Andrew’s game that he’d completely forgotten to ask them to go to the court tonight. Kevin opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. They were already comfortable. They were going to say no—they were going to ask him to leave, replace him with someone who wasn’t so insistent on doing things that none of them were interested in. 

“I’ve never actually watched the ball drop, so that might be a fun way to do it.” Kevin heard Neil muse. “And if Aaron’s buying…” he grinned wolfishly as he looked at Andrew. Aaron was the one who responded, however, with an eye roll and a grunt. 

“You don’t even drink anyway, Josten.” Aaron said flatly. Kevin suddenly realized he couldn’t be in this room. He couldn’t focus on New Year’s or what they were going to watch on TV when he had his mother’s words and a suspicious dread making his hands shake. 

“Kevin, where are you going?” Nicky asked. When Kevin didn’t respond and instead kept walking towards his room, Aaron tossed one of their couch pillows at him.

“What’s your problem, dude?” Aaron said snottily. But Kevin’s inner turmoil was much more pressing than Aaron being annoyed with him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others glance at him as he left the room but chose to focus on anything other than them. 

As he walked to the bedroom, his steps were heavier than normal with the weight of his sinking stomach. Kevin couldn’t get over his guilt as not practicing at the moment—of not having really practiced in days—but at the same time, something like ash settled in his stomach when he thought about playing on that bright orange court. 

A small voice in the back of his head had whispered to him that he belonged in the dark, that all he was good for was Exy. He didn't deserve to be sitting and watching movies—couldn’t afford it if he wanted to live up to everything he was meant to be. 

Instead of voicing any of this, Kevin didn’t address Aaron at all (or any of the others that were staring at him now) and went to his room. He couldn’t discuss this with them—he could barely articulate it in his own head. It just wasn’t worth it to bring it up with them when they would just shoot him down. He could sort out his feelings on his own, Kevin thought, refusing to think about the fact that he’d never been so truly alone before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was a longer break than I thought! This is a shorter chapter but the next one is a behemoth so don't hate me too much, lol. Comment and let me know what you think and where you guess the story is going!

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first AFTG fic! It's been a labor of love and originally started on the back of receipts customers' didn't want at my first job 2 years ago. I recently came back to it and working on it seriously in 2020 when I couldn't leave my house! I just finished chapter 2, and am in the process of editing and stuff, and will post that once I have chapter 3 about finished. Hopefully, that shouldn't take that long, since I have a bit of free time now!
> 
> Thanks A MILLION to @nemeiel and @pinnacle-lane, for beating and being so so nice and helpful, and @mayonnaisetoffees for reading over this and encouraging me! 
> 
> P.S. Once this fic is finished and fully posted, I plan on posting a link to a google doc where I annotated my thoughts while writing, including certain choices I made, foreshadowing, and whatever else I was trying to do with certain words/phrasing. Brownie points to the people that point out the parts correctly in the comments!
> 
> P.P.S The title is based on that one tumblr post that's like "you wear an ancestor's face. u look like a woman you'll never meet. in that mirror, there's thousands of you. and in the bath, when you look down, she looks back, shaking and deforming in the ripples as she lies beneath the surface."


End file.
